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The fault in my stars

Jack

16 May, 2017 05:30 PM

My name is Jason. The story I want to tell is my own and it is as truthful as I can make it. I still don't completely understand it and I just need to get it out, all of it, for the first time.

I was born May 22, 2001. My mother was a drug addict and was 16. I can't blame her for what happened, for leaving me. She left me when I was 1 and I never saw her again. I never met my father and I don't think I will. I went to foster home to foster home. When I turned 5 a family wanted to adopt me, they knew my mother and actually used to take care of me in day care. I was living with them and I was about to be adopted but My adopted father was going blind and there was so many surgeries and the bills started pilling up and he knew that it was a waste of time and money, so he committed suicide. I was sent back to a foster home and I received a therapist. They said I had RAD which means I can't attach to people. So I have a very hard time trusting people.

I got adopted by the family a year later, but it was different M adopted mother didn't talk to me or even pay attention. I was raised by my adopted sister, bless her, she taught me a lot and I love my sister she sacrificed so much for me. My adopted mother got married again when I was 8. He seemed nice. He had 2 kids of his own and we were about the same age so we got along. We were put into online school and we never left the house. Then Jeremy, my step father, got weird. He had us isolated and no one ever talked to each other, everything was a competition so we would 'throw everyone under the bus' at any chance, me especially. See, I had a problem of controlling my bladder so I would wet the bed and Jeremy did NOT like this he locked me in the bathroom naked without blankets or pillows every night, every night. I stopped praying, stopped believing in anything. I would cry and pray every night, pleading to god to save me, for my mother to find me, but no one answered.

When I was allowed out of the bathroom I was only allowed to wear diapers, no clothes, and I would go to the everywhere like that. He would make me clean nonstop until everything was spotless. During the winter I would walk the dogs in the snow without shoes and I was so obedient I never talked back, I never said no. Every time he thought I was lying he would make me run for hours or hit me over and over until I told him what he wanted to hear. I never told anyone, I never said a word and no one payed attention to me. I was forgotten. I was a ghost. No one cared whether I died or lived.

The hardest thing I went through was watching my sister. She is 5 years older than me and I couldn't help her. I was a mindless slave. I saw my sister cutting and I didn't do anything. I saw her get hit and trying so hard to get to our mother, begging, pleading to me to go get our mother. I didn't do anything I just stood there and watched as I saw my sister get hit over and over.

When my adopted mother finally noticed what was happening to my sister she tried to stop him but she just got hurt and sent to the hospital. When I turned 11 he left. My sister was angry at our mother and she ran away multiple times and no one knew what happened with me and Jeremy. No one payed attention to me, I actually got used to being left alone finding ways to survive. We moved and it was just me and my mother. We started going back to therapy and that only made it worse. My mother never believed me about what happened. She blamed me for her sadness. She was very sad. She was and is dying: she has cancer and her body is deteriorating. She bounced job to job and and I tried to help but she didn't want it. Every time I made a mistake I would have to wear it outside, literally. I would wear signs saying what I did as I worked. I worked outside all day, I did every thing, all the cleaning and if it is was not done correctly I would get little or no food, which happened quite often.

I started getting in trouble withe law for stupid things and than my mother would press charges on me for anything and no one believed me when I said I didn't do anything. So I got probation and than intense probation. I became the bad kid and my mother would tell everyone I was terrible and threatening her and diabolical. Every one believed her. No one cared about me and everyone was careful around me, even though I am completely peaceful I have never hit anyone or even implied that I would.

We never celebrated holidays and they were actually used against me. My mother would say we would celebrate if I was good and then the day of or the day before she would find something wrong, no matter how small, and would blame me for not celebrating the holiday.

My friend died in October of 2016 and things at home were terrible. I just couldn't handle it I was planning on committing suicide. A friend of mine realized and told the principal. I was sent to my first psychiatric hospital: Banner Behavioral Hospital. I went to many others like Quail Run or New Foundations and Provo Canyon. Right now I'm in New Horizons and I have not left treatment since October of 2016. Now it is May of 2017 and I have now told my story and I just hope it gets better and I hope I see the people I left behind. I'm sorry guys and I hope I see you guys again. I hope I don't get forgotten. Please don't forget me, That's all I ever wanted: to be noticed, to be cared about, to be remembered by someone

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anis says:
21 Jun, 2017 01:25 PM

What you had is really painful. i couldnt imagine if i am at your place. Committing suicide isnt the best way. The hardship you have felt before or now is temporary. Keep praying, dont lose hope. I pray He'll send you someone/people that will change your life. Stay strong, im with you. believe me,you'll have a wonderful life after all the hardships. Have faith

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Person says:
21 Jun, 2017 04:35 PM

I won't forget.

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Sehar says:
22 Jun, 2017 05:23 PM

Jason,I think I understand you. I went through this but it wasn't physical just mental. And I don't know if you will trust me. But I am here for you not because I sympathies you but because I know how it feels.

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Rebecca says:
22 Jun, 2017 07:47 PM

Keep your head up. When you get rid of the toxic people in your life, it's like the world opens up for you. I know from experience. One day, something in your life will make you realize why you hung in there for so long when you only felt like giving up. For me, it was having my children. Every kick, every bad name I was called, all the abuse. For years I wanted to give up. I wanted the pain to end. When my children were born, staying on this earth was worth it. You will have that one day, too. Just keep fighting because you DO deserve to be happy. You DO deserve to be loved. You DO deserve to be cherished.

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Noel says:
25 Jun, 2017 05:23 AM

I noticed you....and u seem like an amazing person...I hope to god that your situation get better and that your content with life...Bye my friend and hopefully everything becomes better for u...:)

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Alyson says:
25 Jun, 2017 01:05 PM

I love this story. It's so touching and never think I'll forget it xxx

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cry says:
26 Jun, 2017 05:10 PM

nooooo......please don't, I want to talk to you

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Detti says:
26 Jun, 2017 05:35 PM

Hey you. Don't you ever give up. You have been through so much more than anyone would ever be and you already survived so much more in your sixteen years than anyone else would go through in their entire life . Never stop believing and praying and you need to keep strong and it will get better. Soon you're an adult and you'll be able to start your own life as a strong independent young man. You just need to make sure not to get into drugs and crime because that would make it worse. Please don't stop believing and try to find something positive in every day, even if it seems to be the smallest thing you can find. Be good to people even if some of them treated you bad and try not to lose faith in humanity and you will find your way. Not all people are bad I promise. Keep smiling and don't ever give up.

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cry says:
26 Jun, 2017 05:35 PM

Hey, I want to talk to you....not to tell you all you've been told, it's because I somehow feel a certain connection to you when I read this story....please don't do anything to harm yourself; I'm begging you..

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cry says:
26 Jun, 2017 05:37 PM

I want you to know that I (a total stranger) wants to hold your hand through all this

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AnthonyB says:
26 Jun, 2017 07:52 PM

WoW a true story of suffering. I hope you find peace of mind. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste. He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” 25 He answered and said, “But I see four men unbound, walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like a son of the gods.” The Lord is with us in Spirit and understands our miseries in the Flesh. One day we will be relinquished from the body and Christ will defeat death forever

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felicia says:
29 Jun, 2017 03:15 AM

hey i was reading stories on the internet, and i just read this. your writing is really good, but honestly the important part is obviously the message. and saying sorry doesn't help shit but i'm sorry. that truly fucking sucks. and you didn't deserve any of it, but that's how life happens i guess. DM me on instagram if you have it (@fel_lafel) if not, email me. Talk to me whenever you want or need to even if we can't relate on every level. If it helps I won't forget you or the idea of you, or even your story after reading this. I can promise you that. I probably can't do that much, but I'm here if you want me. Or just hit me up for some conversation, always down to talk to real people like you seem to be:). Have a good night or morning ! hopefully talk to you sometime soon

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Riley says:
29 Jun, 2017 07:47 PM

hey. I don't think I will forget your story. I don't think it's a story that we can easily forget. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I guess. The desire to be noticed, and loved. I just hope you feel that way now.

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Riley says:
29 Jun, 2017 07:48 PM

hey. I don't think I will forget your story. I don't think it's a story that we can easily forget. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I guess. The desire to be noticed, and loved. I just hope you feel that way now.

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Riley says:
29 Jun, 2017 07:49 PM

hey. I don't think I will forget your story. I don't think it's a story that we can easily forget. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel, I guess. The desire to be noticed, and loved. I just hope you feel that way now.

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Mary says:
29 Jun, 2017 07:56 PM

hey, I just wanted to say that I don't think I'll be able to forget your story. I don't think it's a story that can be easily forgotten, and... I think I know how you feel, also. I know this desire to be noticed and loved. I only hope that you're feeling that way now.

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Scenewa christiana says:
30 Jun, 2017 11:20 AM

How i wish to see you and make you my brother but am sorry for all that is happening to you i love as a brother and care about you

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Ali says:
30 Jun, 2017 08:52 PM

Bro be brave to fight against your problems. I wish one day i will meet you . Nowadays nobody cares about ourselves even got so many people surrounded by you and me. So we need to build up our confidence level to solve our problems and keep one thing on your mind that we drive a car on the road, we can't expect the road condition is good maybe there have a big or small hole on the road the hole represent as problems, troubles so what should we do ? So find the answer and email to me.bye my friend

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