Broken...11 May, 2017 08:25 AM
I remember the very reason I started to talk to you. It was to get this guy mad and angry with me in high school. We were in grade 10 and you just transfered to our school 2 months back. I remember the way you were awkward about me starting a conversation with you just out of the blue. I remember nether of us knew just how much that first conversation will truly impact both of our futures.
I remember a month after we started to talk me and my girlfriend at that time broke up and I turned to you to talk to about it. Admittedly I had a crush on you for a little while. You were just a mystery to me. You showed alot of emotion yet kept something locked away that I wanted to explore. I didn't take any steps to you till grade 11 because breaking up with her hit hard.
I remember a month after the start of grade 11 I asked you out on a walk that following Saturday at 7pm. We met at the bus terminal downtown and walk to the train bridge. It was your first time walking it. I pointed to you all the little slight seeing parts about it. You look amazed. I remember we jumped the railings and walked on the tracks. The only way you'd do it was if I held you hand. I remember exactly how your hand fit into mine. It was a feeling that I never felt before in my life. A feeling of peace yet a overwhelming urge to protect you. I remember after we made it to the other side you didn't let go. We held hands for the rest of the night till we got back to the bus terminal at midnight. You were late because we lost track of time and where we were. I remember how after that day we grew closer and closer to the point if we weren't in class we would text and at least once a week we did something.
I remember the first time I went to your house. I was a nervous wreck. But you calmed me down and said it was alright. We watched netflix and sat on the sofa in your basement cover in a blanket and just made each other laugh. I remember we slid onto the floor and cuddled for the first time. And for the first time in my life I found something that I wanted to keep forever. I found something that made my life whole. I found love, true love for the first time. I remember you rejected me. You were scared to commit and you said you were sorry. I ignored you for a week. It hurt to think that how close we were and how much you meant to me and I to you that you didn't want to make it official.
I remember when I swallowed my pride and accepted you weren't ready and that I would wait for you. The look on your face made me feel like I've reached heaven. You were again in my grasps and we remained the same. The same two people who were in a relationship that didn't involve kissing or fucking. A relationship that was between two people. Just two people who had strong feelings for each other. A relationship that was about getting to know each other to the most that we could. I remember when I went off to work for the summer. It was the first time that I would have to go with out seeing you. It was hard I was gone all over the province while you were at home. Then when I came home you were on your family camping trip. I remember the day we spent the day texting each other. It was such a content and relaxing day and how we were talking it felt like you were in my arms. We both ended up falling asleep on each other. When we woke up we told each other it felt like we were together.
I remember when school started back up for grade 12. We chose our classes to be together. I remember walking into sewing and we chose the two stations that were by each other. I was the only boy in that class. I told you I felt insincere about being there, but you told me that it'll all be fine and you believe that I'll do great. I remember when we started to fight. You made a friend that I didn't like. She was far too obnoxious and was always belittling those around her. I didn't say anything to her because I felt it be rude. I remember how mad you got when I told you I didn't like her. We didn't talk for a week and a half. You and her got close and she became you best friend. You came back and Said that you were sorry for getting mad and that I had a right to have an opinion. I hugged you and said it was alright. I remember when you invited her to a can collecting event with out saying anything to me. I got furious with you and you just said deal with it because I needed the hours to graduate. I remember when I almost broke down and cried in front of you during the collection because I felt so stupid for letting her get in the way again. You held me and said it was alright and it was wrong of her to not have told me. I remeber when your old friend started to spend more time with you. I started to feel jelouse and angry because he used to like you and you used to like him. I was relaxed around him though, because if it wasn't for me trying to get him mad I wouldn't have ever talked to you. I remember when you started spend more time with both her and him and left me hanging in the wind. I was upset and hurt that you cancelled plans and always said sorry I'll make it up to you next time. I always said it was alright. I remember when we finally got me be alone again. We were in your room and we finished watching the last episode of our show. You wrapped your arms around me and said you missed this. We both pulled close and fell asleep. I remember when she said she didn't agree with what we were and you defended her. I felt truly crushed and hurt. We didn't talk for a week until you said you were wrong. I also said I should have handled it better.
I remember when it started to end. He said that you two should hang out one weekend and drink. And you agreed. You canceled our plans to be with him. It hurt more that anything. I remember when you called and said you had no place to stay. You got dropped off at my grandma's at 1am. You slept on the couch and I took the floor trying to ignore you. I remember when you came down and wrapped your arms around me and said that you were sorry and feel asleep. What you didn't know is that I started to cry and said that I was sorry for getting up set and kissed your forehead. I remember you're unconscious smile. I remember when we're arguing other the littlest things. We couldn't go two days with out getting mad. It might have been because of the pent up anger between both of us or my petty jealously. I remember when I said we should take a break from talking and seeing each other. You agreed and for a month we'd stop talking. Or so it was supposed to be. During the month you replaced me with him and her. You told her to take mt spot in class. She would always say how much of a mistake she made with me. I remember seeing snaps of you and him together everyday. It all hurt more and more. It felt like you could replace and drop me so fast that maybe you didn't want this anymore. So at the end of the month I ignored you. I over thought everything and decided it was best to stop. Talking completely. I remember how sad and Lonely you looked every morning. I remember getting asked what happened. I remember a month after I said I was sorry and started to talk to you. You lite up and we're so happy that day. Only that day because you started to pick fights over everything. I remember when you got mad at me for apologizing to much. And you said it was over. You couldn't handle it anymore and that I shouldn't talk to you unless it was important.
I remember when you broke my heart. You were the first girl that I ever loved. You were the first person to make me feel at home. You were my dream and goal. You were the first to make me broken...