All alone forever18 Apr, 2015 03:16 PM
I literally will be all alone......forever.
I am the cheerful kind person everyone loves except some people don't see me like that. I have a lot of friends because I study people and then act like their ideal person. I'm not pretending. Each person I act like is just another part of me. Though I always regret it in the end because when I act like myself they think I'm acting weird. I get sad when they look up what our names mean and it shows the exact description of the TRUE me in the middle of all those other ones because when they see it they say its the exact opposite of me or its nothing like me. People pretend they know me all the time when they really don't. I just smile and agree but what they also don't know is I'm a great actress too.
I recently got in a fight with one of my friends at school during lunch. She was depressed because someone passed away just the night before. I was having a bad day too that I was at my breaking point. She started getting ticked off at me and called me a liar. She thought I was pretending to be sad. That's the problem. They think I'm always happy and never sad when in truth its the opposite. I just care about everyone so much that I endure it. Sometimes I even wonder if I'll ever have someone who truly understands. Then I think again and I realize......I won't.
I have some kind of heart disease. When my heart gets flustered or is happy I get really sick or get bruised all over. That means if I care about someone it hurts to be around them or talk to them. When they touch me I get hurt. They just don't know that because I endure it. I had to be a brat and rude to my parents so that they'd stay away. It hurts when they talk about me and think they know their daughter but it hurts even more that I cant be around them just because I love them. Four of my best friends died because of me. They were all boys because I liked them. They liked me back. Whether its a coincidence or not it happened. How am I still going on and not crying? I really don't know.
There's a boy at school who's my best friend. I care about him a lot but like someone else. He must care about me too because he hurts me the most. Everyone says we're perfect and maybe we are but that shouldn't be why he hurts me the most. He touched me on the arm last week and now I have a bruise there. It spread to my other arm yesterday. I can't even be around him now but what am I supposed to tell him. We tell each other everything but my parents even called me a liar. How can I stay away from him without breaking his heart. Its scary hard but I haven't once thought about suicide. That's my story. Well, just part of it. I swear I wont kill myself because there are to many people I need to confront. For you people who are alone don't think about suicide. Take it from me. I will always be alone because of my heart disease but I still keep on trying because I care about him way more then I do myself. Keep trying not only for yours but their sake and mine. This is a completely TRUE story. Please tell me what happens. I really want to hear your story too. Thanks if you read all this and wish me good luck on Monday. I'm going to confront him.