Nyle..17 Jan, 2015 04:45 PM
These risen gates wont open up for me but these broken wings will heal if I see you one more time. I'm screaming for life. I want you to show me what its like to be the last one standing on earth. Show me what's wrong or right. Fear. But I want to see you, I want you to be real, standing in front of me.. all the things you said are running through my head. Just you Nyle.. no one else.
One minute I was standing.. next thing I knew I was on my knees, begging to see you on this place we call earth, I'm still grieving that you're gone. I'm grieving for the people I once lost and loved, I want you to see me one more time while I still exist, because i know I'll never make it to heaven. My heart and soul can't take it any more, its too deep. I just want this pain to wash away.
I see mirages of you everyday in this deserted earth that I'm stranded on. And once I get one step closer to that forbidden mirage next thing I knew. You're gone.
I sit here every morning for about an hour just thinking about you non stop, dreaming that you were next to me, talking to me, describe to me how life is up there, telling me you miss me. Best of all.. remembering our memories together at our lake back in Georgia, pissing off everyone we see or walk by, terrorising their lives with our crafty pranks. You were my partner in crime, my best bud.. but when you died in that car accident, I realised that my love for you grows stronger and I become weaker,I love you more than anything in the world. My life tore apart the day you went to the after life. I wonder if you thought of me the way I thought of you.. its been seven years Nyle.. come back to me. I've had enough of hearing your story over and over. But I understand why God took your life away, to protect you from me, to prepare me for what I'm going to loose, its made me stronger but easily breakable. My heart shatters when I hear your name or when I see a car accident.. I wish it was me instead of you, I have nothing left here in this life time any more, you had more to your future.. you could of done amazing things. Now you will never have that future you dreamed off, you wanted to be a fireman and musician, you wanted to have a big family, you wanted life. A life for a life Nyle. I can never move on from something that could of been a once in a life time opportunity but now that you are gone I realised my love for you was really deep, your pictures are hanging on my bedroom wall, staring straight at me. I'm sorry I never said goodbye.
Can you see me?
I have a feeling that you want to lead me to you but the only way to do that is if you can lead me into death.. the same way you died.
We will reunite one day my dear Nyle.
I can't stop thinking of that mysterious future I can have, but it can go either way, different pathways. I believe that there is an enchanted doorway. A doorway that can take me to an underworld filled with creatures, darkness and sin. nightmares. Or an universe where dreams become true and valued, where the truth is revelled , I can be with the people I lost in death or fear. Unity.
I love you Nyle.