Hate The Way I Live
CrystalWolfTear
29 Dec, 2013 08:45 PM
I try to lose myself in music. I have encountered many embarrassing moments that tend to intimidate me. Especially when I'm around this boy I used to like.
I find it hard to express my feelings and so I may sound a little odd or over exaggerating. But I don't feel right and sometimes I get these feelings of confusion and even hesitation. It feels like I don't get support or I just don't want any. Many times I would stop what I was doing and ask myself 'what's wrong with me?'. Yet I never quite got an answer, most probably because I can't choke out the truth from beneath.
I'm scared that if people know me for who I really am, they will hate me and turn away. I'm scared that I will get hurt and most probably think of that thought I had over a year ago. I don't want to hold a knife or scissors over my wrists any more and I don't want to taste pills on my tongue. I don't want to see my damp face from tears in the mirror and my smudged make up under my eyes.
I hate to wake up to reality and realize that my life isn't worth anything. I'm sick and tired of people judging me an all. I'm just tired of begging for truth only to find it hurts more than lies. I'm scared and lonely, I'm shy and uncomfortable with the way I am right now.
There are many dreams that I wish to tell of, and many visions I had over the years. Yes, I do have these visions that look into the future, and I sometimes wake up to find they become true. I hate to have them and I don't know whether they will fade once I grow up or will they bother me time and time again.
I wish to not feel anything anymore. I hope that tomorrow brings a better day and a better chance of survival for me. I find it hard to wake up and I find it hard to hit hard on the truth. So please just read this over and think to yourself... You are better than this. I will try too, but I want to know that there are people out there with the same feelings and the same pain and I want to see that there are people who will try with me to get better and see the bright side of life.
I hope someone will show me the way, a world of peace and fragile thoughts. Where truth soothes pain and pain doesn't exist.
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Comments
Post a Comment04 Feb, 2014 05:48 AM
i cud feel da pain u r goin thru wen i read dis. I hav had da same past n it stl cum bck tym 2 tym
11 Feb, 2014 02:17 PM
its a same feeling which u r going through and i...wish to fade away bt it still comes to mind time n again.
12 Feb, 2014 06:02 PM
Yes, even though past hurts you, it shouldn't be forgotten because that's what makes us all stronger. I still feel down from time to time and I do wish to fade away but I guess music helps me cope more.
I listen to Breaking Benjamin. Their lyrics to their songs mean soo much to me.
19 Feb, 2014 09:31 AM
Its really a sad story
21 Feb, 2014 05:24 PM
Thank you, I hope that my past feelings do inspire others to learn to see the better of our monotoned lives. However my feelings will still stay with me and this story will live on for one purpose. Help. I want to help and receive my gievn kindness.
26 Mar, 2014 04:01 PM
Look, I know you feel alone, but try to at least stay alive. The world may not get better, but we need people who have experienced pain. Why, you may ask, because we need people who won't hurt anybody. That have gone through that and don't want others to suffer that. Just sayin'.
26 Mar, 2014 04:50 PM
Touched my heart, thanks blah. I honestly am grateful for the support, and even though my life has been a wreck for the last two years, I'm slowly getting better.
And people who experienced pain are needed just like you said, we need wise people to show us the way. We need to learn from our mistakes and know what it feels like to get hurt so that we don't attempt to hurt someone the way we got hurt.