Vote +35

My Feet Drag On…

The_Real_97'

27 Jun, 2013 09:44 PM

It was January 5th, 2013 the day that changed my life. New Years was over and it was the first weekend after returning to school. I had been talking to this girl for a few months, and it was never flirtatious, just great friends. It was in school that we got the idea of watching Monsters Inc., or at least we were joking around about it cause it was such a great movie. (We both like animated films, she loves them though) But that Saturday I remember being on the bus and not having anything to do till 6:00 p.m. where I had to go house sit, and her name came across my phone. So I called her up and made the plans, we were going to go catch the afternoon show and it turned out to be one of the best days of my life.

I remember walking past her house and we joked about that, it was the first time I took the light rail, I remember spilling M&Ms in the theater and joking about that, some special ed guy joked about me taking her to prom (it was ironic cause she’s a junior and I’m a sophomore so she would really have to take me), she took me to Hoboken for the first time and we walked the Waterfront. All of this still as friends, and it wasn’t till later that it happened. It started when we stopped by a local mall: Newport. We were in the food court and an old friend of hers recognized her and came over. What was funny was that the friends were acting kind of awkward, as if they didn’t know whether or not to leave us alone. So when they left for the bathroom I remember leaning across the table and saying, “you know they think we’re dating right?”
“What? You think so?” she asked.
“Yeah, why do you think they’re acting so weird right now?” I said.
And it was true, when they came back from the bathroom, I remember her and I just laughing cause we knew the tension that they were dealing with and in fact it wasn’t a date.

Unfortunately it was pushing 6:00 p.m. and I had a job to do, so I had to call it a wrap and we started to head back to the light rail. The whole time listening to Mambo #5 with these headphones she had where you could connect another pair. I remember she had her arm around mine to stay close and not break the headphone connection. Well we get to our stop and when you get out you need to take an elevator. We were still “connected” through the headphones and we were heading into the elevator. She turned back cause she thought she heard her name being called but someone was trying to get in so I gently pulled her in. She was caught off balance and fell onto me with her hand on the elevator wall and we locked eyes… It was beautiful, perfect, an innocent connection that awoke passion in both of us. Time stretched, lips quivered, but a kiss was forbidden. She had a boyfriend. You could see the realization strike her when she looked down and away. I knew I wasn’t going to break her relationship either so I didn’t push it. I tried to make it into a joke by kneeling slightly trying to get eye level so she’d look at me.

We finally got to the street and we walked out just recapping the day. I got to the bus stop and it arrived right on cue. We hugged each other, quite awkwardly (we both kind of went in the same direction and messed up like derps), just the way to end the night and I was gone. She had a boyfriend, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Next time I talked to her she told me to get a Skype and that’s how it started with the video calls. I told her over a Skype call how I felt, and she told me she had a boyfriend so it couldn’t happen, but later in the same convo we kept talking about “what-ifs” and “director’s cuts” if our life was a movie. They had been hitting a rough patch cause this guy was down in Florida and he was starting to care less and less, barely calling or anything. Meanwhile I was using all my free time talking to her. Finally I got my shot. She left him and she got with me, and I thought that I could fix everything and show her how to love.

I remember getting my first kiss, the kiss, the one that was so forbidden, at Palisade Park. I remember taking her to see all of these amazing views of New York, sharing my heart, buying hot chocolate, listening to her and everything she’s gone through. I always wanted to be there, and every goodbye was hard. Meanwhile things never went that smoothly for long. For a long time she would want to break up over small reasons, and I would fight for her back. Then it came to a point where she wanted to go back to her ex-boyfriend, and she did but she ended telling me it was the wrong decision and I remember the security guard telling me that she was hurt by leaving me (For me it wasn't so easy to believe that I could actually mean something to someone else, or at least to her) so I fought her back and things went good for a long time. Her ex-boyfriend ended up not talking to her for about 3 months and in that time it was just she and I. We celebrated her birthday, which is a big deal cause of all the past tragedies on her B-day. I took her to prom and she looked absolutely… beautiful. The most amazing girl at prom, I couldn’t dance for my life and she just moved through the dance floor. She was amazing. The most I remember about that night was walking around and picking a bench by the Waterfront. She was telling me about how that night, her life lately had been too much like a movie. She was afraid that something bad was going to happen and I told her fairytale moments like these aren’t a lie. I told her that she didn’t have to be afraid of them anymore cause she was with me. I told her I loved her, she held me back and she told it to me too.

Unfortunately, she ended up fighting with me soon after that. We worked through a lot, but in the end I came up short. She told me that she loved me, but that she couldn’t get over her ex. He was going to fly up for the summer and he had begun to talk to her again. So, we broke up and ever since then things have been shaky. At first it was like we hadn’t even broken up, but then we argued and since then things have been on a slippery slope. For a long time I was emotionally and physically sick. I couldn’t function and I did my best to pull through. It wasn’t till I had a panic attack in class did I go and talk to the school nurse who ended up becoming one of my strongest allies and a deeply valued friend. She helped me through the abyss, and now looking back at my relationship a lot of things make sense. Even now they’re becoming clear.

I can’t regret anything I did though, and honestly I'd do it again. This girl was by far the best thing that happened in my life to date. She showed me a lot, made me do things I wouldn’t have, and she let me love her and she loved me back. I remember that a major point in the beginning in the relationship was to give me a “fair shot”. Give me a chance to prove myself rather than comparing me to this other guy. I think she wanted to give it to me, and for a while she did. It’s just that now she’s not capable. I used to reminisce so much about how amazing a future with her would be, but its not my choice anymore. Now my goals are just to remain her friend, to stay in her life as support, and to show her that people aren’t all that evil. I’m still in love with her as much as I did before we broke up and I crave her touch, her kiss but I’ve learned to control it. I had to. We had another fight and I wonder whether or not she’ll come back? I hope she does cause I can’t go fighting for it. I don’t go around anymore looking for plots, loopholes, or schemes on how to get her back. You can’t control people, or at least not love. So I just wait, looking onward towards the future. My feet dragging along the path just trying to find my way.

<< Previous Story
Vote +35
Next Story >>

Comments

Post a Comment
profile pic
Farhad Ahmed says:
05 Sep, 2013 10:00 AM

you have a beautiful mind ...... may god bless you :)

profile pic
Rage Man says:
11 Sep, 2013 10:18 AM

dude sorry to tell you the truth you was her parking spot, she was waiting a sing or green light from her ex , even if she can back to you she the type girls who stuck with first love issue , i advice you keep moving on like the way you did , the only mistake you have done you crashed on a girl who had boy friend , rule number one about relationship don't fuck around with girls who attached with their boy friends , you should take thousands yards from them , but unfortante you experienced her kiss and touch that what made you reminisce about the good old days and thinking about the future , the good news for you is you understood what is your goals in life , i will advice you to not go back to her in the future if she come back to you , coz she didn't understand your value , i understood from your story you was trying to proof for her all people are not evil, well gues what sun shine , she was the evil and you are one of the good people who is few in this world, she was chapter of your life take my advice and aim higher then her , you have good heart and amazing value and if some on couldn't understand that shit when he use to roll with you then what is the point coming back to you if things didn't work out in their life , don't be the parking spot once again.

profile pic
CDG says:
15 Oct, 2013 04:04 AM

I kno exactly how you,feel stay,strong

profile pic
ellis batty says:
19 Oct, 2013 02:34 AM

wow rage man. sounds like your jealous of this amazing story.

profile pic
mrannie says:
29 Oct, 2013 08:09 AM

she dealt with you as a doctor when she recovered she through you away and back to her first man while you fall in love with her, this is one life station there's more things waiting to be experienced get over it cuz nothing deserves to be sad for.

profile pic
Jennifer Green Day idiot says:
05 Nov, 2013 11:09 PM

thats sad

profile pic
Xzavier says:
08 Nov, 2013 08:11 AM

You should.. try to forget her. It would be one of the hardest things to do, and I was mesmerized when you still being her friend because not everyone can do like the way you've done. It's hard because you've been rejected like so many times and you still love her. I hope you will loved her, LOL. Okay, I'm not gonna sounds so serious, okay. It's just, I'm pretty sure you will get someone better, you know? Just remember, heaven has made a plan for you. So don't ask any more questions to yourself, just be the way you are now and remind your heart that you don't need her, if you can't, just know that she don't need you. At least, you can poison your mind a little so that your heart will realize a bit.

profile pic
aflax says:
11 Nov, 2013 06:39 PM

this is most common story happen in this century...in my advice..stay away for that lady..bcz she has not heart can undrestand who love her and who intrested her...so stay away,..u will get another one soon..

profile pic
Fair says:
18 Nov, 2013 10:51 AM

That was a good story. Clearly you already know that you can't have her, stay as a friend and nothing else. Try and find somebody else, it'll be better for the both of you.

profile pic
Rob says:
20 Nov, 2013 09:56 AM

This makes me so sad, feeling cry and I never cry cos I am a man.

profile pic
Brittani says:
20 Nov, 2013 06:45 PM

Rage man- why would you say that to him at least he had enough balls to come on here and say that!!

profile pic
Lavender Lavvy says:
09 Dec, 2013 02:41 PM

to be honest, I think RAGE MAN is right. maybe not 100% but a majority. but my advice for yah is that u need to be happy that you found a valuable friend, someone to show you what love is and you can use that knowledge and your heart to give it to another person that will never leave you for another, because by then, Hon, you will have truly gotten over her and have good memories AND someone to love with all your heart. touching.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
10 Dec, 2013 02:09 PM

I know it seems that I have abandoned this website and this story, but the truth is is that I jump every time I see that someone else has commented on my story. One because I get to see their response to my story and I could possibly take their advice, but mainly because of my second reason; it shows that people are actually reading my story and hopefully relating to it. I hope that my story could possibly be articulating someone else's thoughts. For male readers it might display similar frustration and despair that they're in. For female audiences, it's a story to show that there are men out there willing to give the world for your smile. It may also provide foresight into a current relationship, considering this is how the majority of this kind end. (But hell I really hope you're the exception). Unfortunately I can't stand here and tell you that things have gotten better and that they've worked themselves out. Unfortunately my relationship with this girl have completely deteriorated. It's come to the point where she tries to make me feel angered and sad whenever she can in her subtle ways. Things like concocting a plan with her friend to deliberately make it seem as though she threw away a locket that I had given her, ignoring me completely and acknowledging those around me in order to emphasize my meaningless presence, and replacing me with yet another sophomore and parading him in front of me whatever chance she gets. What bothers me the most is that I gave everything to try to make her life better, and this is my payment. It doesn't bother me anymore though for I see her acts of "revenge" as childish. I laugh at them for I know the true sadness behind her smiles and laughs, and I pity what she has turned into. It's come to the point where I've taken Rage Man's and many other people's advice to leave her alone. It's been for some time now and it's worked out for the best for me. I never wanted to leave her, but it was no longer my choice. All I can do is think about the times we spent together, the times where it seemed she let her guard down and loved me as much as I loved her. I think about those times and smile... It's all I can do. Meanwhile I don't plan on dating anyone soon or for a while. I want to work on improving myself mentally and physically. Enriching myself with knowledge and preparing for college. I've never been the mess around kind. I've always tried to search for something pure, something of substance. Obviously I looked under the wrong rock. I'm just waiting till that next person walks into my life that I can love harder and stronger, and it'll be because they love me just as much. That's the dream... And I'll let you know when I reach it.

profile pic
Jake says:
12 Dec, 2013 05:47 PM

A wise man once told me of u love someone let them go, if they loves u back they will definately come back for u

profile pic
kiara says:
12 Feb, 2015 08:23 PM

Hun i think You have your own advice...tbh we never know what life will bring..but if she comes back i guess thats how Life is suppose to be for you. but if not Boo Move on..theres alot of girls out there maybe you'll find one but maybe not love anyone like you loved her thats all i gotta say thanks for your Story :p ha. Bye

profile pic
Gaby says:
14 Dec, 2015 07:28 AM

So I just read your story and it's scary similar to what I'm going through right now I know it's been 2 years since you posted this but I was wondering what's happen since then. A lot of the things that happen to you is what I'm going through a the moment and no one understands me and when I read your story I was like wow.

profile pic
gaby says:
14 Dec, 2015 07:36 AM

I just read your story and although it was submitted 2 years ago I'm experiencing what you went through and its hard because no one really understands and people just say things like move on but its tough and i really hope you see this and im curious on whats happened to you this past two years since this occurred.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
17 Dec, 2015 02:25 AM

If you really want to know what happened, give me a way to contact you. I'll try to answer any question you have because I wanted someone to tell me a few things when I went through this.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
18 Dec, 2015 12:59 PM

If you really want to know what happened, give me a way to contact you. I'll try to answer any questions you might have.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
18 Dec, 2015 01:02 PM

If you really want to know what happened, give me a way to contact you. I'll try to answer any questions you might have.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
19 Dec, 2015 12:33 AM

If you really want to know what happened, give me a way to contact you. I'll try to answer any questions you might have.

profile pic
The_Real_97' says:
20 Dec, 2015 06:56 PM

Sorry, for so many of the above comments. I thought it just kept getting deleted so I reposted it several times.

Your Comment

Do not post other site's link, it will be considered as spam