Perfection only lasts in photos.01 Mar, 2012 12:39 AM
It was just like the initial explosion of fireworks.
Your eyes widen, your break gets caught, the colors take over your vision, and you take an inevitable step back.
That's how it was when I met Sean. I don't know if it was those blue jeans, or his t-shirt. Well, maybe it was that smile, or those crystal blue eyes. He brought the sunshine to me even at midnight, with a smile that always reaches his eyes. I could tell you every detail, every dream, every hope, but that isn't what love is. Love is the feelings, oh those feelings. You could know every aspect about that person, but that isn't what love is.
I mean, he does stand with his hands in his pockets, or with his ankles crossed slightly leaning back, He does sing to every song he hears, he did sing to me before. Hell, he played the piano, the guitar, he sang every song on his iPod until I fell asleep with the phone raddled to my chest, keeping any trace of his voice next to me. His dream was to be a sniper, his goal was to be the best man he could be and he always thinks he failed, but he never fails. He told me I was the stars to his universe, explained everything I didn't understand.
He told me I was perfect. I was beautiful.
I disagreed. Now when it came to his, he has perfection in any way possible.
We had it all. I waited a year for him to finally notice me, and when he did, I had the firework effect. ..We had it all for three months.
Three months in heaven? Three months.. those three months changed my life forever.
It ended at the fair. You had to end it at the fair. Not even an hour after we had run up to each other and embraced under the lights, the stars, in front of every one there.
You held onto me, you kissed the cut on my leg when I fell. You showed me the final feelings of true love, I gave you the bracelet that said, "I'm Yours".
I remember my heart beating with raw emotion, when you looked me in the eyes and smiled sadly and told me something that tore me down forever; 'You are an amazing girl, but there are no fireworks.'
Remember my firework theory? Yeah it exploded... in my face, it burned me, and broke my heart, literally. After that I was crushed, we continued to talk. You smiled, I didn't. I turned. I stepped away. I trusted you with every secret. I told you about the guy who touched me and wouldn't stop. You said you would never let that happen again. You promised to always be mine.
My love for you was more than I could handle, because I told a step away, and stared at the moon, and then ran. I ran through the fair. I ran from the pain, which turned into me running right into it, as you came after me, just because you could, not because you wanted too.
I then learned it was possible to cry till you fall asleep, only to awake crying. IT IS POSSIBLE. It's happened for the 5 months 2 weeks and 4 days after wards. The waking up, the going to sleep, only to never remember the days.
It has been a year, four months, and 10 days since that night at the fair.
I'm better. I can smile now. I can laugh more. I walk with a bounce to my step. It's possible to be happy again, yes. But it's impossible to get rid of the pain, and literal scars I now have forever etched into me.
How will I explain the scars on my ribs to my husband, or to my kids? I can't.
Yet, even to this day I can never say anything bad about him.
He still brings the sunshine to me even at midnight.