Together With You, Is Just an Extravagant Hope28 Jan, 2012 04:18 PM
Together With You, Is Just an Extravagant Hope
Two year ago, grade 8, she walked into my life. It is from that second, my world, my life and my heart is linked to hers.
Perfect light brown hair that would makes every other girl jealous, big light grey eyes that makes the stars looks like they are not shinning, straight and white teeth that makes the purest pearls lose their shinny sheen, perfectly good-looking with a gorgeous body, smart, nice, cute, mature but still childish. When all these things come together, they made a girl, Ro, my love of my life.
The first time I met her was in the library. She was sitting beside the table near the window and concentrating on her book. Half of her face is blocked by her long, beautiful hair that is hanging in front of her. Because there was no other seat, I walked over and asked if I could sit beside her.
Swept away the hair covering her eyes, she looked up at me for a second, and then smiled, ?Yes.?
My heart stopped beating for that second, I felt like something triggered inside of me, I wasn?t sure what it was at that time. But now, I know it is an unstoppable force that will make you be obsessed over a person forever; it?s true love.
Like everyone who is in love, I started to care what she cares, like what she likes, listen to the music what she listens to, play the sport she likes and appear at the places she might appear. All I did was tried to get close to her and know her. I collect information about her whenever I can. I don?t know how can colleting those things can help me to win her, but I just did it naturally. I have three sketchbooks filled with sketches of her; I write a journal about her everyday; I compose and write songs for her; I made everything in my life about her; and I tried everything I can to be her friend. But she is a very stubborn and strong willed girl; she?d rather have one good friend than a thousand bad ones, so she is really cautious on making friends.
Unfortunately, before I get to be one of her good friends, she knew that I loved, or rather obsessed over her crazily. There was one moment I felt happy, not nervous because I thought she will be moved by me, at least a bit. But I am wrong, things went the opposite way.
It is like from that day, a brier formed between me and her. Whenever I tried to greet her, she either walks another way or pretends to look somewhere else. When it was obvious that I said ?Hi? to her, the best reply I can get is a forced smile. It is also from that day, to talk to her even only for one second can make me horrible life become full of hope. But almost all the time she ignores me when I tried to talk to her. My heart broke, cried, recovered, and then broke again. This happen again and again. But I never stopped trying, never, because there is always this small and tiny hope, this thought of ?one day she will like me back? kept me trying no matter what.
But life just likes to hurt, play and despair the ones who truly love.
When I just heard that she got a boyfriend, I laughed and said that is impossible. She is such an academically girl, her parents forbid her to date, she is not the dating kind and what is more dominating my thought is I refuse to accept that she now has someone whom she will talk to everyday, hug everyday and kiss everyday. But truth is she now does have one. I fell onto the ground and let my tears run out. Finally, after two years of tormenting by love, after two years of sketching, writing, composing, crying, loving only for her, the answer I now have is I worth nothing in her eyes. I felt stupid. I know that never should have loved her, someone who is so gorgeous, so perfect, who will never like me back. But it is too late, too late to stop. My heart, my soul belongs to her, not me anymore. It is her right to hurt them whenever she wants. What I can do is just watch them slowly dying.
Many of my friends told me to get over her; many of my friends told me I am an amazing person, they told me she is not better than me, it is the other way around. Maybe they are right, maybe I should get over her, maybe I should move on, maybe I should. I can think what ever when I don?t see her, sometimes I can even be happy. But as soon as I see her face, all those thoughts evaporate without a trace. I melt, I can?t put my sight on anywhere else than her, and I can?t stop my heart from aching. I can?t stop from thinking that she now is someone else?s girl, I can?t stop from thinking that she will say ?I love you? to someone else, I can?t stop from thinking that she will kiss someone else, I just can?t get out of the torture. Every night when everyone is asleep, I am awake, kissing her pictures and let my tears fall onto the pillow silently. Every time when she talks to someone else, I am jealous and dreaming that one day I can talk to her like how they talk. Everyday, I miss her.
What I hope now, is that the boy she loves can always love her back, treat her well. I would anything for them. I don?t want my baby to get hurt, I want her to be happy, this is my last hope. When all hopes are gone, when all dreams are shattered, the last hope is really the last hope one will have.
God, if my death can let them be happy together forever. Then take me away.
Together with you, my love, is just a extravagant hope.